• Lewis McDonnell

Performance in the Bedroom and What She Hasn't Told You Yet



Performance is a naturally occurring, masculine trait.


But could it be causing you problems in the bedroom?


Many men today feel the pressure of the self imposed need to perform in the bedroom. So what's setting this standard in our minds? Well, after years of little sex education and brainwashing from watching porn online it's no surprise. However we forget that porn is very different from a real thing. Especially you're with the woman you love. Porn is numb, greedy, degrading, selfishly lust driven, STAGED fucking. His partner is barely ready to receive him and he's already pounding away at a 100 thrusts a minute. There is no love, little to no tenderness, connection, real emotion, authentic expression and human vulnerability to be seen in these clips. And most of us have been brainwashed by it.


Our notions of living up to a fantasy in our mind or trying to be someone that we are not is partly the reason the magic is being sucked out of our sessions so early.


Every time we enter this unhealthy fantasy of porn induced psychosis we are disengaging with our partner and the power of the authentic moment. Instead we project onto her and ourselves with a tainted energy that suffocates our true feelings and love for her. Flicking back to graphic scenes that have been burned on to our mind's eye from clips that we have seen in the distant past. Men, your partner wants to be with you because she loves you.


If the length of time you lasted in bed was such a big deal for her she would have left you already.


It's a very male thing to be so focused on performance and the goal in mind.


Now, whilst women want to enjoy their sexual experience with you and love orgasms as much as you do, sex for them on the whole is much more about the emotional connection and bonding with the man she loves, than performance. Out of all the options she has, after all, she has chosen you!


However, when you get hung up about cumming to quickly and when you shut down in shame, guilt or embarrassment, she feels that disconnect, that shift in energy and THIS causes the most problems when it comes to performance in bed.


To have your partner shut down suddenly after such an intimate and vulnerable moment can't be a pleasant experience.


She may actually begin to feel rejected or unworthy, not only that but when you shut down and refuse to speak about it with her she will feel even more distant.


But at the very least it is a major mood killer. Which means there's a less than likely chance you will be able to go for a second round together.


Women love confidence, in fact we are all attracted to it. (unless we are afraid of it)


What would your story be like if you OWNED it rather than hiding from it?


After all, so much pressure and anxiety is caused by focusing on it and making it a big deal that by owning and embracing it like the perfectly created man that you are, you may even find that this, in itself, leads to lasting longer in bed.


You see, the intelligence of our body is incredible, without even thinking about it we breathe throughout the day and even when we sleep. We blink without having to think about it and we swallow our saliva without trouble too.


BUT... when we begin to interrupt this naturally innate cycle by overthinking it we throw a spanner in the works. Breathing becomes out of rhythm , blinking becomes ridged and swallowing feels forced.


And the same thing happens when we overthink our bodies innate intelligence to make love. It knocks everything out of balance. And I have a feeling that you are probably wondering how the heck you're meant to stop overthinking it.

Here's how: Integrate your feminine side and focus more on the connection rather than the performance. You'll notice that this starts long before penetration. And the deeper you allow yourself to be absorbed in that connection the more your woman will open up to you and flourish. Give yourself time to do this, there is absolutely no rush to get anywhere, allow any tension to be released during this time of integration. By taking the end goal out of the picture you will begin to notice your awareness opening up. Allow every little touch and sensation to be felt, notice the feelings up and down your body, not just in your genital region, drawing you further into the experience and out of your head. To gain control we must first surrender our need for it. As it is this need that is causing us to lose it in the first place.


I'll repeat that, surrendering is the key.

Sex is meant to be fun and playful which serious adults aren't going to experience. It is important to approach it with a childlike curiosity and fascination, every intimate moment brings with it a unique energetic flavour. By abandoning our analytical mind and surrendering into the feelings and sensations of even the slightest non-sexual but sensual touch we begin to merge with the experience rather than fight against it.


The practice of mindfulness and meditation is a good place to start. Many however give it a half hearted attempt before giving up and saying it doesn't work. Well it's no different from going to the gym. You have to build that muscle with training over time. But the results are incredible.


If you want further confidential 1 to 1 support you can apply to join my 4 week programme here:

www.risingmen.co.uk/premature-ejaculation-help

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© 2017 by Lewis McDonnell

*DISCLAIMER: Results may vary from person to person. Results are subjective to the individual and so you are paying for the time and expertise of your therapist and not for your results.