There are two components to our autonomic nervous system which have a big effect on our sex lives.
Knowing the difference between your parasympathetic nervous system and your sympathetic nervous system can help you last longer in bed.
Your parasympathetic nervous system is in action when you are feeling relaxed. All the muscles in your body begin to soften, releasing tension. You begin digesting your food and breathing becomes slow and relaxed.
However when you are feeling stressed or in danger by a perceived threat your brain kick starts your sympathetic nervous system. In this state of fight or flight mode your breathing becomes more shallow, constricted, forced and speeds up to send blood into your muscles to ready them for action. Tension spreads around your body in a bid to protect you from this perceived threat and prepare you for fight or flight.
This is why practicing Kegal's, the stop and start method, counting to 100 in your head and so on may not be working for you. Ultimately those methods are only scratching the surface. So what is it about sex which is causing our sympathetic (stressed) nervous system to be triggered?
In most cases it is caused by a psychological fear/ anxiety which leads to tension in our body, as a result of this our muscles contract leading to quicker ejaculation.
Of course each individual is unique and their specific cause may be different,
Some examples are:
the pressure of performance caused by personal expectations
feeling inferior
shame around sexuality (no surprise living in a culture of sexual taboo)
worried about getting caught
feeling exposed or vulnerable
fear of judgement
trust issues
anticipation and excitement/ high arousal
Men who experience premature ejaculation will already have their sympathetic nervous system active when initiating love making which is why it's so important to take things slowly to give your mind and body time to relax.
Here are some ideas for helping you to relax:
massage each other
gentle and slow foreplay
diaphragmatic breathing (aka deep belly breathing)
create a safe and relaxed atmosphere (candles, dim lights, ambient music)
take a bath together
meditate together (by becoming more present and "out of your head" you will naturally relax more)
By allowing your body and mind the time and space it needs to adjust before slowly building up stimulation you will greatly improve your chances of lasting longer in bed. If however you've tried this time and time again without success or signs of progressive improvement then doing some deeper therapeutic work with myself over video call could be a good option for you.
In short, these fears or insecurities are caused by experiences in our past which have lead us to adopt certain limiting beliefs about ourselves and/or life around us and now exist within our subconscious mind. We will carry these beliefs with us and they will continue to affect our behaviour until they has been fully resolved. Wishing you all the best on your journey, You can request confidential 1 to 1 support via video call with myself here: www.risingmen.co.uk/premature-ejaculation-help